I hate my retard friends sometimes. Nicci made me look like a liar today which pissed me off but luckily Josh knows how she is so..yeah. Anyways, Nicci always talks about all these drugs..how shes done coke and wants to do it all the time...blah blah yadda yadda. Really not cool. I dont want her to go through that...so I just mentioned it to Josh the other day when we were having a talk about smoking weed and what not. While we were laying in bed tonight he calls her up and asks her about it...out of no where. She knows I said something to him now, I could have kicked his ass right then and there but oh well. I know why it upset him so much so I understand, its just that Nicci acted like she didnt know what he was talking about and it got to me...he shouldnt have called her though. I shouldnt have even said anything in the first place but I didnt think it would be that big of a deal...me and my big fucking mouth. Blah.

Eh, Shit happends...it eventually dries up and then blows away in the wind.

Ive been offline a lot lately...the internet and my computer both make me unhappy. I think its because Ive shut myself off from all of my online friends...well ex-friends now. Basically a month ago I deleted all of my messengers,emails,etc etc. Now I never know how people are doing...I want to say something but I never do.

So, I do care...I just dont know how to ask you.

Valentines Day is coming soon...shit, I never know what to get somebody.

Whatever this Xangalympics thing is...I dont want to be apart of it, I swear its almost cult like.

Time for work...fun fun.

That gay premium dancing Xanga gif keeps cracking me up.

I dont know why ive been posting here lately. Well okay Ive only posted twice but still. I hate being online...I hate Xanga. Everyone is constantly trying to "out shine" one another. News flash...cyber popularity is gay, just means you're a giant lifeless nerd who plays into the hands of others who are just as pittiful as yourself.

Whatever.

Oh look...its Xanga.

Gay.

I have reached a point in my life when its time for me to say "enough is enough mandi". I have to get away from this, from everything wrong and trying in my life. I need to be happy and this isnt making that happen. Ive tried to care and love, which only ends up making this harder and worse. I give up. I cant keep hoping for something that will never happen...I just dont have the heart anymore.

Im trying to stay offline as much as possible, I will be on from time to time. This just isnt the same as it used to be. Ive lost all interest in everything that once made me happy and carefree, I have too many financial burdens to contend with right now.

Edward, Jeni, Myst...Im sorry you guys wasted your time getting to know me, even if it was only a small amount of understanding. I do love you guys, you're the best and I wont forget you. Maybe after time we will be able to talk...maybe not. I wont forget the bonds ive made with you.

I realize that Im breaking some promises that I had made, and Im sorry for that. I just have to do this now, I need to take the time to get better.

I'll be around.